People freeze in fear at the thought of going to a party or business gathering with strangers. They often wonder what they will talk about, whether anyone will talk to them, or if they will be left standing in a corner because others think they are boring, or worse, too talkative. It’s a common fear, and everyone has probably experienced it at least once.
Many people are embarrassed to admit to this fear. It’s normal to be afraid. Overcoming that fear with these conversation tips can open new doors of opportunity and friendship. Becoming an interesting conversationalist is an art that can be learned by anyone. That’s why it’s called the art of conversation.
Open a Conversation with a Smile and Positive Body Language
When going to a party, business gathering, or other function, expect to have a good time. Put on a smile, and use open body language. Open, positive body language means facing the other person, smiling, not crossing arms or legs, sitting or standing straight, not slouching, and responding by acting interested.
Positive body language makes people more approachable. They appear inviting. This is the image to project when starting a conversation with someone.
Ask Open-Ended Questions as Conversation Starters
Beginning a conversation with a yes or no question can end the small talk before it even begins. It’s better to choose questions that need some elaboration to answer. For example:
- “These appetizers look delicious. Which one would you recommend I try first?”
- “What do you think of this movie, party, restaurant?”
- “I’m the host’s (friend, relative, co-worker, etc.) How do you know him? (Or her?)”
Complimenting people makes them feel good and will often lead to them talking about the item or attribute. Make the compliment specific, and include a question:
- “I love that scarf you’re wearing. Can you tell me what it’s made of?”
- “I saw in the company newspaper you received an award. Congratulations. Can you tell me more about it?”
Use the Person’s Name in Conversation
Once an introduction is made, using the person’s name will embed it into memory, and make it harder to forget. People enjoy hearing their own names.
Stating, “It’s nice to meet you, Graciela,” will make Graciela feel more comfortable and appreciated; it's a small gesture that goes a long way.
Continue the Small Talk with Related Conversation Topics
Listen for clues to continue the conversation. If the person recommends a smoked salmon appetizer, ask if he likes seafood, and what’s his favorite kind? If he mentions a movie, party, or restaurant, ask what he likes about it.
When people talk, they often reveal hints about themselves, such as hobbies and interests. By listening for clues about those things it’s possible to find common interests which can lead to a deeper conversation.
If conversation stalls at a dinner party, it’s possible to open up the conversation again with a simple question to everyone at the table. Asking if anyone has taken a recent vacation, or what books people are reading will get the conversation flowing again.
Be Interested In What the Other Person Has to Say
The key to being a good conversationalist is making others feel valued and important. No one loves to talk to a know-it-all, or someone who only wants to talk about herself. However, people love to talk about themselves, and a person adept at small talk will let them. In addition, the talented small talker will act interested in what the person has to say, and prompt them for more information, only interjecting a few comments about themselves.
By listening carefully and being interested, it’s possible to find nuggets that lead to deeper conversation about things in common. When that happens, the conversation has moved beyond small talk and into a more meaningful and rewarding area. That’s when real sharing happens and people get to know one another.
Gracefully Ending a Conversation
Once a conversation has started, it’s usually not hard to keep it going. Sometimes the hardest part is stepping away. If it seems possible that the person might become a friend or business associate, exchanging numbers is appropriate. If no further contact is wanted, simply telling the person it was nice talking to them, and moving away into the crowd is fine.
It’s never a good idea to lie as a way out of a conversation. Always be truthful, yet tactful, and leave a positive impression. Honor the other person with politeness. Gaining a good reputation for being well mannered can pave the way to meeting more people.
The reward of mastering the art of conversation is making new friends, new contacts, gaining new invitations to places and events, and most of all, having fun. Becoming competent at small talk can make going anywhere with anyone an enjoyable event.
Suzanne Pitner - Suzanne Pitner is a teacher and published writer. A member of RWA and YARWA, she writes fiction as Suzanne Lilly.
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